UpTown Climbing

If you’ve ever seen a made-for-TV movie or received a greeting card, you know the importance of “stepping out of your comfort zone,” the process in which you do something you’d never normally do to show yourself how vibrant you are. And if you’ve ever worked for a local magazine, you know how important it is to explore new businesses and attractions in your area. The recent opening of Baton Rouge’s UpTown Climbing, the new indoor rock climbing facility helmed by Lee Guilbeau and Robb Antrobus, was the perfect chance to fulfill both obligations. On a recent Friday, I went over for a quick clamber.

As Guilbeau and Antrobus helped me put on a safety harness, climbing shoes, and a little pouch to carry chalk to keep my hands dry, they explained that indoor rock climbing had really begun taking off in the early ‘90s, with Rok Haus [now Southern Stone] in Lafayette, where Guilbeau got his start with the sport, among the oldest gyms in the country. Climbs, both on natural stone or on a constructed wall, are rated by difficulty according the Yosemite Decimal System, a complex and somewhat subjective calculation that, at the extreme end for outdoor climbs without safety gear, includes “risk of death” as a metric. The walls at UpTown, like at many gyms, are completely adjustable: the handholds are modular plastic pieces screwed securely into the wall and can move to alter difficulty or just provide a change.

Granted, I climbed the kids’ wall, but it was still exhilarating.

UpTown Climbing is a big facility with four major sections: downstairs are the Tree Tower, The Grand Island, and the Speed Wall, along with a bouldering area upstairs. On most of the climbing surfaces, you can ascend up to thirty-five feet tied into a safety rope system called a belay; another option is one of the five auto-belay routes, which you can climb after strapping yourself into a seatbelt-like pulley system that breaks your fall automatically. The ninety-foot-long bouldering wall is a horizontal climbing surface abutting a cushy pad where you can practice more lateral motion. (Fun terminology tidbit: vertical climbing follows “routes,” while a bouldering path is a “problem.”) 

So, after learning all that, it was just me, my lifelong fear of heights, and the thirty pounds I gained in graduate school that has decided to stick around, ready to climb a plastic indoor mountain. Slowly and not particularly surely, I hauled myself up the route—and made it all the way to the top. While I am not an expert at rock-climbing, I am an expert at trying things and writing about them; and with that, here are my tips for the curious climber-to-be.

Just Let Go.

You will fall. Even if you don’t lose your grip, learning to fall correctly is a useful skill. A controlled landing on your feet on a padded surface (with the option of a second landing on the rump, as I did) is not nearly as bad as the phrase “falling off a wall” implies.

Calm Down.

You are safe. The rope is strong enough, the pad is soft enough, and the staff members know what they’re doing. You will feel the rope slip a little when you put your weight on it, but the figure-eight knot climbers use is self-tightening, so the result is just that it ties you in more securely.  

Your Feet Should Be Working …

Your impulse will be to pull yourself up with your hands and arms because that’s how it looks like experienced climbers move, but your legs should provide more of the force. Beginning climbers universally grip the handholds too hard (what with it being human nature to hang on to keep from falling), which won’t really hurt you but will make your hands very tired.  

… And Also A Little Uncomfortable.

Climbing shoes fit especially tightly to avoid the balance-destroying effect of the foot sliding around within the shoe. 

Breathe, Dammit!

Rock climbing instructors, yoga teachers, tattoo artists, coaches, midwives, and anyone else whose profession it is to help people through a strenuous task have this in common: they will keep reminding you to breathe. Listen to them. Why people hold their breath to concentrate is a mystery for the ages, but don’t do it. No process becomes easier without oxygen.

Have Fun.

Granted, I climbed the kids’ wall, but it was still exhilarating. Stout little office men don’t get to feel physically accomplished very often—I send out a victorious tweet if I open a jar of pickles on the first try—and getting to the top of a thirty-five-foot climbing wall felt like an achievement to take pride in. 

The next day, I was sore but not in agony, if uncomfortably aware of some seldom-used finger and back muscles. Within thirty-six hours, I had asked two friends if they’d be interested in joining me for a rock-climbing session. It’s too early to tell if I’ve finally found my sport, but if you measure my inaugural rock-climbing experience by the same metric used for a first date—“how about we do this again?”—it was definitely a success.

UpTown Climbing is open to the public and will have a Grand UP-ening October 21. Visit uptownclimbing.com for the latest details.