Is February the Cruelest Month?

“April is the cruelest month,” wrote T.S. Eliot in The Waste Land, but for most of America, I would think February would give April a run for its money in the cruelest month department. February is the month when winter hits its freezing, monochromatic peak, the twelve days of Christmas all come home to roost on your credit card bill and your waistline, you know you ought to be starting on your taxes, and proper spring weather is, for most of the country, still dispiritingly far in the future. What better month, in other words, for inventing your own holiday? According to the website NationalDayCalendar.com, the shortest month of the year is home to no fewer than ninety national days officially celebrating something or other. February has days for high achievers: (National Inventors’ Day, National Create a Vacuum Day); low achievers (National Get Up Day, National Public Sleeping Day); practical people (National Umbrella Day, National Home Warranty Day); humanitarians (National Random Acts of Kindness Day); optimists (National Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day); gourmands (National Fettucini Alfredo Day, National Sticky Bun Day); snake worshippers (National Serpent Day); and dreamers (National Tell a Fairy Tale Day). There are days for people obsessed with specific things (gumdrops, ferris wheels, the periodic table); days that appeal to humanity’s better nature (Make a Friend Day, Organ Donor Day); and days that sound suspiciously like inventions of the marketing department (Nutella Day, Battery Day, Dog Biscuit Day). And since the very name “February” comes from a Roman festival of purification called Februa, in which people were ritually washed, it will come as no surprise that National Shower With a Friend Day falls in February, too (February 5, if you’re interested). I was not able to discover whether February has more random national days than other months of the year, but given the crappy weather, you have to wonder how many of them were declared by people just looking for a way to make it through to March.

And since the very name “February” comes from a Roman festival of purification called Februa, in which people were ritually washed, it will come as no surprise that National Shower With a Friend Day falls in February, too (February 5, if you’re interested).

The fact that we have such a wide variety of national days is probably because the barrier to entry isn’t high. There’s no shadowy Government agency to rubber stamp your national day declaration. All it takes to establish one is a large helping of enthusiasm, a dash (or a dollop) of whimsy, and enough initiative to contact the publishers of NationalDayCalendar.com—considered the Internet’s most authoritative source—and make a compelling case. NationalDayCalendar.com is headquartered in Mandan, North Dakota. As I write this in late January, the temperature in Mandan, North Dakota is eight degrees, on its way down to an overnight low of two. If I lived in Mandan, North Dakota, by February I just might be desperate enough for a laugh, to declare the twenty-third to be National Dog Biscuit Day. Friends, this is what happens to people who live in places that don’t celebrate Mardi Gras.

If I lived in Mandan, North Dakota, by February I just might be desperate enough for a laugh, to declare the twenty-third to be National Dog Biscuit Day. Friends, this is what happens to people who live in places that don’t celebrate Mardi Gras.

This is not our fate. In Louisiana, Mardi Gras provides more than enough silly celebrations to get us through the cruelest month without needing Singles Awareness Day (2/15) or National Tartar Sauce Day (2/16) to convince us that life is still worth living. With hundreds of parades, parties, courirs, and balls providing opportunities to dress like a mad parrot and live on beer and cake for weeks, who has the time? Still, if you find there’s a window in your celebrating schedule, I’m pleased to announce that Sunday, February 4 will set Baton Rouge’s newest Mardi Gras parade in motion, when the inaugural Mid City Gras rolls up North Boulevard from the 22nd Street intersection to Baton Rouge Community College. Operating under the proud banner of its mascot—a squirrel at the wheel of a tractor—Mid City Gras has recruited many of the city’s finest and most creative artists, musicians, dancers, and crafters to bend their creativity to creating a walking parade that properly reflects the strong community spirit and easy eccentricity of this interesting, up-and-coming neighborhood. I’m proud to say that Country Roads will be a sponsor—a position that comes with the honor of presenting the award for Best in Show. Parade rolls at 1 pm. Be there or get fired up for National Thank a Mail Carrier Day (also February 4); it’s your choice.

One last piece of evidence to support my thesis: According to NationalDayCalendar.com, this year Fat Tuesday falls on February 13—a day it shares with National Tortellini Day and Safer Internet Day. I don’t think it’s going out on a limb to suggest that neither of those is likely to give Mardi Gras much of a run for its money. Cruelest month indeed; perhaps T.S. Eliot had it right after all.